John Witherspoon Quotes: 40 Of His Lifetime Quotes/Sayings

1. When You Are Poor

When you’re poor, an egg sandwich is dinner and you cut your potatoes with a butter knife. -John Witherspoon

2. St. Louis

St. Louis is an excellent city. –John Witherspoon

3. Get A Damn Job

The kids of America, please get a damn job. Get out of the house, leave the refrigerator alone. Stop wearing my shoes. Leave my shirts alone, get a job. Spend your own money.
-John Witherspoon

4. I’m Every Father.

I’m every father. I’m not only a black father. I’m a white father. I’m a Chinese father. I’m a Mexican father. I’m all fathers that want their sons out of the house and stop eating up all the food. Get a job, please. Stop looking at the TV. -John Witherspoon

5.Too Risque

If something is too risque, don’t watch it. -John Witherspoon

6. Boomerang.

When we did ‘Boomerang,’ which is one of my favorite scenes, the whole dinner scene was ad-libbed. John Witherspoon

7. My Father Was A Preacher

My father was a preacher so I wouldn’t sing at all when he was around, but as soon as he locked the door, ‘La la la.’ -John Witherspoon

8. Funeral Costs

Now you see, son. You gotta let us know when you leave the house. What if you got killed tonight? We’d have to bury you. You know how much a funeral costs these days? -John Witherspoon

9. I Can’t Help It

I can’t help it! I look better than you do! -John Witherspoon

10. Toilet Stool

Being on the toilet stool is the grossest thing there is, to me. John Witherspoon

11. When You’re Hungry

When you’re hungry, everything tastes good. John Witherspoon

12. If I Hit The Lotto

If I hit the lotto, I would be nowhere near the road. But I got bills to pay. John Witherspoon

13. That’s My Father’s Theme

That’s my father’s theme. Get up in the morning, ‘hello, Dad.’ ‘Get a job, leave the food alone… Who took my car?’ America, you young kids, get a job. All that sagging, the clothes hanging behind, that ain’t nothing. Get a job. You want to be somebody, get a job.
-John Witherspoon

14. In ‘Boomerang

In ‘Boomerang,’ they didn’t have a script at all, they just told me to come up with some stuff. John Witherspoon

15. Cantankerous

I am cantankerous. John Witherspoon

1. Coming Out Of The Bathroom

 Don’t nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window.
-John Witherspoon

2.The Kitchen

Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the go**amn refrigerator. Eatin’ up all the food. All the chitlins… All the pigs’ feet… All the collard greens… All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins… I like pigs’ feet. -John Witherspoon

3. Talking In His Sleep

“Give me the two-piece special. Lots of hot sauce and all the fries you can give me. Thank you, thank you.” [talking in his sleep] -John Witherspoon

4. Calling Craig From The Toilet

Hey… come in here… in the bathroom…  boy, bring your a** up in here. What you talkin’ ’bout, you wait ’til I come out? I smelled your sh*t for 22 years, now you can smell mine for five minutes. -John Witherspoon

5. Lecturing Craig On How To Be A Dog Catcher

That’s the beauty of it! I grab a dog, and I choke him, and I kick the sh*t out of him! All day long, my foot up a dog’s a**! Just bang-bang-bang up his a**! That’s my pleasure. -John Witherspoon

6. Returns Home From Work As Dog Catcher

I got bit in the a** today, son. By a stinking-a** filthy dog. You should have seen it. Biggest dog I’ve ever seen in my life. I said, doggy, please don’t bite me, dog. And I turned around to jump over the fence, the dog grabbed my a**. -John Witherspoon

7. Reprimanding Craig For Carrying A Gun
You kids have been nothing’ but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. Too scared to take an ass-whipping. -John Witherspoon

8. Dog Catcher

I grab a dog… and I choke him, and I kick the _ out of him… and I… All day long, my foot up a dog’s. Just bang, bang, bang up his. -John Witherspoon

9. J-O-B.

I want you to get your _ up today, go out and look for a job. The word today is job. J-O-B.
-John Witherspoon

10. The Milk

 You drink up the milk, don’t care what kind of milk it is. You don’t care, 2 percent, 3 percent, buttermilk. Patent milk, pull the cow on a patent milk can, I bet you eat that too. -John Witherspoon

11. Smell

I smelled your _ for 22 years, now you can’t smell mine for five minute. -John Witherspoon

12. That Big Old Booty

Ooh, I can’t wait to see your mama naked. That big old booty bouncing around. Boom, boom, boom. -John Witherspoon

1. Never Read A Book

Never read a book through merely because you have begun it.
― John Witherspoon

2. Our goal

Our goal is to give people incentives to save for college. -John Witherspoon

3. Responsibilities

What kind of society will we have if our responsibilities are set by man, and not by God?
― John Witherspoon

4. Never Rise To Speak

Never rise to speak till you have something to say; and when you have said it, cease.
-John Witherspoon

5. You Are All My Witnesses

You are all my witnesses, that this is the first time of my introducing any political subject into the pulpit.
At this season, however, it is not only lawful but necessary, and I willingly embrace the opportunity of declaring my opinion without any hesitation, that the cause in which America is now in arms, is the cause of justice, of liberty, and of human nature.
-John Witherspoon

6. Conscience Into Bondage

There is not a single instance in history, in which civil liberty was lost, and religious liberty preserved entire. If therefore we yield up our temporal property, we at the same time deliver the conscience into bondage. -John Witherspoon

7. Honestly speaking, i didn’t understand this number 7. So please if you do, help me explain it in the comment section.

Men are not generally sufficiently aware of the distinction between the law of God and his purpose; they are apt to suppose, that as the temper of the sinner is contrary to the one, so the outrages of the sinner are able to defeat the other; than which nothing can be more false.
― John Witherspoon

8. Political or Party Malice

There is scarcely anything more harmless than political or party malice. It is best to leave it to itself. Opposition and contradiction are the only means of giving it life or duration.
-John Witherspoon

9. Blessed Forever!

It is very evident that both the prophets in the Old Testament and the apostles in the New are at great pains to give us a view of the glory and dignity of the person of Christ.

With what magnificent titles is he adorned! What glorious attributes are ascribed to him! All these conspire to teach us that he is truly and properly God – God over all, blessed forever! -John Witherspoon

10. A Good Form Of Government

 A good form of government may hold the rotten materials together for some time, but beyond a certain pitch, even the best constitution will be ineffectual, and slavery must ensue.

On the other hand, when the manners of a nation are pure, when true religion and internal principles maintain their vigour, the attempts of the most powerful enemies to oppress them are commonly baffled and disappointed. -John Witherspoon

11. Profligacy And Corruption

Nothing is more certain than that a general profligacy and corruption of manners make a people ripe for destruction.  -John Witherspoon

12.Trust Men


Those who wish well to the State ought to choose to places of trust men of inward principle, justified by exemplary conversation. -John Witherspoon

13. The Man Of Piety

It is in the man of piety and inward principle, that we may expect to find the uncorrupted patriot, the useful citizen, and the invincible soldier. God grant that in America true religion and civil liberty may be inseparable and that the unjust attempts to destroy the one, may in the issue tend to the support and establishment of both. -John Witherspoon